Ok, ok, updates.
In the past few months I have……
lost 23lbs and counting
left the guy I had been with for 11 years. (I found out he was cheating on me for 4 of those 11) (so add 180lbs onto that loss if you are counting that…..dude.)
plans to rock the hell out of 30! My bday is in May, I plan to have a ball in Florida!
now started focusing purely on me. I’m learning how to be a single lady all over again.
figured out that I have been given a chance to really live and live the way I want to! SO, now it’s time to have some fun!
Finally went over my test results with the doc and he’s pretty sure that I don’t have ADD.
My scores came back average, with some areas above average.
The kind of person I am, it’s very difficult for me to adjust to change…..including change in concepts.
From my discussions with him, he stated that the tests did confirm his thoughts on what might be causing me such issues.
The areas of the test where my scores were quite low to severe was in the mood section.
We’re working on taking care of those issues first to see what remains.
I guess it’s that whole “tease-them-apart” situation.
Whatever it is, I just want progress. So that maybe one day, i can feel free.
(just a quick note to my followers, I understand if you choose not to follow me anymore because of the change in my diagnosis….but i hope you stay, I do like having you around :)
I got my results back. My doc moved my appointment up.
As it looks right now, my ADD symptoms are mild and secondary to what seems, a definite mood disorder.
Somehow, it’s easier for me to accept an ADD diagnosis than a Borderline Personality Disorder.
My appointment is this thursday….
My scores ranged in average to below average with a few moderately impaired except in the mood and behavioral symptoms that ranged from mild when it have to childhood total ADHD to severe childhood inattention and moderate current inattention.
i’ll keep you posted…
They are stuck inside of me
and because I can’t get the out
I am filled with rage, I hold that rage in
and it seeps out through tears and sobs.
I feel like an animal. I have feelings
and I’m in pain
but no one knows
because I can’t tell them.
I can hear my voice in my head
I can hear my thoughts
they are there
and they are valid
I just can’t express them
They are literally stuck.
There is a disconnect between what I am saying
and what I am feeling.
So where does that leave me?
with no one to understand me but me
Alone. Angry. Frustrated because I can not speak
So i went to Old Navy to JUST get a cardigan….they were on sale…..20 bucks……so someone tell me why i walked out with a cardigan, two shirts, and a pair of shoes that i won’t be able to wear till fall?!
This impulsive kick i’m on is killing me! I totally don’t feel bad at all while shopping, but it’s just something about having the bags in your hands….the weight of them….makes me regretful jeesh. I swear I love everything I just bought but i “could” have waited.
But i still feel bad…..kinda…..i get paid this week anyway.
maybe i’ll just leave the shoes at work for a while…